Rapport is one of the most powerful technique in NLP, and if you can learn and develop the ability to create a rapport with your teenager, both of you may move more easily and naturally toward mutual goals. You may also use your rapport skills as a framework for motivating your teenager and as a foundation for a greater and more effective communication with him/her. Start practicing the following techniques of rapport everyday. The more you use it, the more you will be amazed at the great results that you will get from applying the rapport techniques. In a short time, you will see, hear, and feel huge differences in the way your teenager responds and communicates with you. You may tell yourself, I wish I had known these rapport techniques years ago. Before I explain rapport techniques, let me explain representational systems. We all use all three representational systems (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic) to continually process information, however, each of us, including your teenager, has one strong preferred sensory modality, or avenue, through which the world is represented and interpreted So your teenager is primarily visual, or auditory, or kinesthetic and when you have determined your teenager's primary representational system you are much closer to developing a rapport with him. Body movement, behavior and language are used to express representation systems.

Visual people usually say “this looks good to me” or “I can see the picture” and their speech is usually fast and breathing is high in the chest. Visuals also they seem to point a lot.Auditory people usually say “it does not sound good” or “I can hear what you are telling me.” Their speech is more modulated and the tempo is kind of balanced with a clear voice; the breathing tends to be even and deep.

Kinesthetic people usually say “it feels good to me,” or “keep in touch,” or “you hurt my feelings.” Their speech is in a slow tempo, pausing between words, and have a low deep tonality. As I said earlier, when you have figured out your teenager's primary representation system, you have taken a great step in developing rapport with him/her.

Let me also explain the calibration technique before I tell you what to do in order to develop rapport with your teenager. Calibration is the ability to see, hear, and feel something your teenager does and then match or associate it with a particular internal state. If you can develop an ability to calibrate an external behavior of your teenager with his/her internal state, you can have better understanding of your teenager's feeling and need and that can help you greatly in establishing rapport with him/her. Now that you know what representational systems and calibration mean, start practicing the following techniques of rapport everyday with your teenager. Shortly you will see, hear, and feel the differences in the way that your teenager responds and ommunicates with you.

MIRRORING: Start by mirroring your teenager. If he/she is sitting, sit exactly the same way that he/she is sitting. If he/she is standing, you stand the same way. If he/she is walking, you walk the sane way as he/she does. Make your posture the exact mirror image of your teenager.(Wait 5 to 10 seconds and then do the mirroring) . Do exactly with his/her gesture. For example, if he/she cross his/her legs, you do exactly the same. If the teenager folds his/her arms, you do the same. (Again wait 5 to 10 seconds and mirror his/her gestures.)

Matching voice: If your teenager is speaking with a soft voice, you modulate your voice, too. If he/she is speaking with loud voice, you do the same thing. If he/she speaks slow, you speak slowly, too. If he/she speaks fast, you speak fast, too. After you matched and mirror your teenager for few moments, start to use the posture and voice tone of yourself that you are comfortable with. When this rapport is created, your teenager most likely begin to follow your movements. If that does not happen, it means that rapport was not established. Go back and do the above techniques again, and most likely, soon your teenager will start following your movements. Now you are leading and he/she is matching and mirroring you.

Look at rapport as a dance when you lead and your teenager is following . If your teenager picked up your lead, it is most likely that a very good communication has been established between you and your teenager that is based on mutual trust and respect. If it did not happen, just continue to match and mirror until your teenager follows your lead.

Always remember that the meaning of your communication is the response that you get. The main key in establishing rapport is FLEXIBILITY, and the largest barrier for creating rapport is that you think your teenager's map of the world is the same as your map of the world. So, keep practicing the rapport techniques daily. Be as flexible as you can in applying the rapport techniques. The more you practice, the more effective you become in establishing rapport, and the more likely that you create a very good and long lasting relationship with your teenager.

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