Something to think about from Dr. Wil Horton

Intro to NLP Today E-Zine

NLP Today E-Zine is a monthly series of articles that will bring you the best information in the world of NLP and Hypnosis. We will bring you articles that have been proven in the real world. Heavy with techniques and information you can use in your daily life, whether it's as a therapist with clients, business or sales, or just for self-development. We will get you the information you want and can't get. We focus on proven applications, not theory. Our trainers all "do the work." This is the difference that makes the difference. We cut the fluff and bring the main course. Mental Food you can use. NFNLP is the leader in this type of technology.

This is a service of the National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Psychology and Dr. Wil Horton. We want people to achieve their highest potential, and NLP is the #1 tool for this. If you feel you have been added to this list in error, check out an issue, and then let us know if you would like to be removed.

You can achieve your dreams.

Captains Chair:

This month I prepare for my trip to The International Association for Counselors and Therapists convention in Atlanta. We are also getting ready for the yearly trip to India to do a set of trainings. I will be there as a lot of you are getting this.

It has been a busy month. I competed in the regional AAU karate competition and brought home 2 gold and one 4th place medals. Again I thank the universe that I was able to use my skills in this area.

I was asked after the last e-zine, why I mention these athletic endeavors. Was it bragging? Pride? Blowing my own horn? I had to give it some thought. Of course there is a level in pride in competition. The hard work in prepping for an event, the event itself, and I admit that, and an amount of ego in doing well. I would say I mention these events as I stress that we as helpers, need to have outlets of our own, and not related to someone else. I do these competitions for me, to test myself. (One of my friends says that it is a subliminal warning to my students, but everyone knows I am a softy at heart.) It is also a matter of stressing also that we need to walk our talk. We tell our clients (from therapy to coaching) to do things you enjoy, take some time for yourself, but how many of us take our own advice? It is also a teaching tool. I have challenges, as we all do, but if we use these NLP and Hypnosis skills we have been blessed to learn, we can overcome them and excel in whatever we choose.

Now that summer is here, make a commitment to yourself to do something for you.

From the Road:

I got a call the other day from a student who had some questions on the business side of our work. He was doing some things that were not helping him grow his business. As the conversation progressed I found he had taken a practice building course, which on the surface sounds good, but unfortunately, he was taking the class from someone who does not have a practice, and never really has built a traditional hypnosis clinic. The “advice” he got would not only not make money, but in the long run, cost him plenty. When the error was pointed out, his defense mechanisms kicked in. He stressed this person had written several books, and speaks at conventions, so he must have a practice. This is another example of theory not working in the real world. Before you follow someone’s “advice” or suggestions, find out if they have done what they are teaching, and will they prove it. Visit their office (big clue if they do not have an office). If it is not busy or they say they no longer practice, run, run, do not walk, from this service. Do they have references of people who they have trained, and how well are they doing? (Again, visit them. Talk is cheap.) Remember, the Ark was built by an amateur, the Titanic was built by experts. Try the boat out before you buy it. I want us all to succeed and I know it can be done. We are in the world’s greatest field and we offer a service the world not only needs, but wants. We can make a GREAT living helping others. I see 60 a week in the busy time 20 or so when it’s slow. It can be done.

This Reminds Me of a Story:

From Beryl Comar in Dubai:

A story often helps:

Have you ever coached someone in King Arthur's situation where a tough decision had to be made for the betterment of the organization? How about coaching and training the witch or a group who desire to make their own decisions and choices but feel it was not happening in THEIR organization? I love coaching the Gawain's of life...those who respect, care and lead by making the right choices...for Gawain...he understands that the answer lies within.

Answers Lie Beneath the Surface

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom.

The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: “What do women really want?”

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: 'The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!'

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises... He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told Arthur that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question: “What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.”

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night? What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament:

During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friend, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is the moral of this story?

People in marriages...and people at work want to be in control of their future. They want to take on ownership of their portion of the project, their job, their duties...the answers lie beneath the surface when we allow them to discover for themselves.

Technique and Tips:

BRINGING THE BASICS INTO FOCUS

Michelle Mynatt CH. CI.Trainer, NLP.

What are the presuppositions of Neuro Linguistic Psychology and how can we benefit from them today? Neuro Linguistic Psychology is a highly used and understood psychology. The presuppositions are easy to use, follow, and understand. They are the absolute most basic of the concepts we are working with when we use the techniques available through NLP. It is from these simple paradigms that we structure the rest of the field and techniques. It's often said one should stick to the basics, although it's rarely heeded. Often times a person will learn the basics first and in the course of learning the more obscure details forget or ignore the basic concepts, which brought them the finer details in the first place. It is my aim to bring about a more closely defined understanding of the presuppositions. In the remainder of this article I will discuss the presuppositions and how they can most effectively be utilized in your practice with clients.

1.) We are always communicating.

There was once a time when I was a child when I was unhappy with my mother. She had not given me what I wanted and I was going to get it any way possible. I began to just not talk with her and then began to not look at her. My thought as a child was that I would not be communicating and there for my parent would suffer a loss. It wasn't until years later that I realized I had used my silence and blindness to communicate my anger and frustration at not having received what I had wanted. Even in lack of communication, there is communication. To choose not to communicate with a person sends that particular person a message. It may even send a group of people a message. Communication with our clients is essential to a successful relationship and effective goal reaching strategies. To begin to have an open communication in our relationships with our clients is to begin to teach them the value of communication. Each person must define the value of their communication and the best possible ways of doing so. To begin to look not only at what we are communicating, but how, is essential in the field and processes of NLP.

2.) The meaning of the communication is the response that you get.

The meaning of the communication may be either positive or negative; good or bad. If we receive a positive result and action then the meaning was a positive interaction; as with negative. Ultimately the speaker must always look to the listener to define the outcome of what has been communicated. It is the listener and the way they are receiving the communication and how it may fit in their particular map of reality that one needs concern themselves with. A listener may not receive the message as you have intended to send it out. It is at this point the responsibility falls upon the speaker to clarify and at this point exercise *requisite variety. The speaker may choose to *try something new, while in the course of communication. In NLP we aim to have the best positive results, which we may achieve.

3.) People respond to their map of reality, not to reality itself.

An example of this paradigm might be when people are put into any given situation it is natural to have a response, whether it be good or bad; positive or negative. The way a person may view today's situation and respond may be a result of a past situation. Many times a person who has had an experience outside their normal realm of life existence develops a pattern of behavior around that situation. If the same person were thrust suddenly back into the situation a second time you may find them behaving much the same as they had the first time around. Many people have created life long patterns and habits that may have been very beneficial at the time of creation, however may not be at the present time. It is at these times of odd or unreasonable response when one time learning and mapping of our realities can be seen. Once we map our realities we begin to respond to them in the manner in which we have deemed the things we have mapped. The way we perceive the world around us becomes our truth while the reality may not be the same. It is at the point that our maps begin not to represent actual realities but our personal views or perceptions of the reality, that we need stand back and re-map our realities.

4.) Requisite variety - The element in a system with the most flexibility will usually be the controlling element.

I had once had a client who was wonderful, they seemingly were complied in every manner, but yet seemed to still not be responding to the program. I had continually approached this client with a very authoritative technique; given the personal history and all my experiences with this client, I had fully expected them to have a complying response. However, I received something rather different - a non-receptive reaction was at hand. It was at this point I decided to change my approach and attempt a permissive approach. I found this modification in my behavior to break through the communication barriers much faster and set my client on a road to achieving the desired goal. It wasn't until I had achieved and found variety and flexibility within my technique that I was able to best affect, influence and help my client.

5.) People always make the best choice available to them.

There have been times when I have looked around and wondered why people in my life have made the choice that they chose. I often times can not see their perspective on life or understand how they are reacting to life. There are many times that these decisions and choices, once discussed are brought to light and then I can begin to understand how a person had made their decision or choice. However, there are other times when there are obstacles to a client's realizations or their perspectives of life. When this occurs it is essential to enable the client to realize, accept and motivate towards the best possible outcome. Although a client may have a positive intent they may be exhibiting a negative behavior. It is at these times we need help our clients define and understand their individual secondary gains. When our clients begin to explore and elevate the negative behavioral and thought habit patterns in their lives they begin to see great change.

6.) Every behavior is useful in some context.

Every person has behaviors that are considered (by some other person) to be less then desirable. A person could learn from every behavior ever exhibited, while all behaviors could also be improved upon or enhanced. It is a goal in the field of NLP to enhance the natural excellence of a person. It is my personal belief that this can extend out to every aspect of a person's being.

7.) Experience has a structure. Chunking. Anything can be accomplished if we break it down into small enough pieces.

When a person goes off to college to obtain a degree, they choose a field and begin their studies. A student learns a basic concept and then builds upon it and will take many individual courses of study which will all enable the student to achieve the desired degree of study. In the same manner that a student in college would set out to complete a degree of study; pacing and chunking, should a person be viewing and attempting to obtain their expected goals. More clients today need to be taught the benefits of pacing and chunking. Weight management clients I have reviewed these concepts with have been extremely receptive and successful with applying these concepts to their lives.

8.) People already have most of the resources that they need.

I have heard people say, 'A therapist can only tell you what you've told them" and I believe it's true. All of my clients have told me exactly what they need and how they hope to achieve it. I have found, in them giving me the information I need, that they are also discovering the tools and skills they need to locate with in themselves. This process of discovering is a mutual experience shared both by the therapist and client.

9.) There is no failure, only feedback.

There are times when we need accept what has occurred or is occurring in our lives. When we begin to accept and understand the feedback we get and learn to adjust appropriately, we begin to achieve the desired success. It's important that clients understand and realize that their desired feedback is achievable and obtainable. You may consider discussing with your clients the variety of feedback they get and can achieve. Suggesting ways of obtaining new or more positive feedback may benefit the client and help them to realize new skills.

10.) If what you're doing doesn't work, try something else.

This is the most basic of NLP and common sense concepts presented to us today. It is simple and yet I find many people have difficulty applying this to life tasks. Often times I have watched a person struggle through a situation, only to watch them take the same approach time after time. This leads them down a terrible path of predetermined failure and sets them to finding little or no rewards. A client may need a nudge in the right direction or even redirection. It is beneficial that every client knows and understands the need to allow and even at times create change in their lives.

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Upcoming 2004 Training Schedule

With Dr. William D. Horton

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May 29-31, 2004 (IACT Conference)

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Port Charlotte, FL

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