Something to think about from Dr. Wil Horton

Intro to NLP Today E-Zine

NLP Today E-Zine is a monthly series of articles that will bring you the best information in the world of NLP and Hypnosis. We will bring you articles that have been proven in the real world. Heavy with techniques and information you can use in your daily life, whether it's as a therapist with clients, business or sales, or just for self-development. We will get you the information you want and can't get. We focus on proven applications, not theory. Our trainers all "do the work." This is the difference that makes the difference. We cut the fluff and bring the main course. Mental Food you can use. NFNLP is the leader in this type of technology.

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You can achieve your dreams.

First I would like to make a Special Announcement:

Friday July 29 at 9:15 Eastern we will be having a live teleseminar, sponsored by the National Guild of Hypnotists.

You Will Learn:

* What is the difference between NLP and traditional hypnosis?

* What is the most common usage of NLP for those of us in Hypnosis?

* How you can integrate NLP into any practice

* How NLP is covert hypnosis in action and how you can use it

* The most common mistakes Hypnotists make when learning NLP, and how you can beat this trap

* How you can learn to use NLP hypnotic language in any situation

* How NLP gets people into their comfort zone, so you can lead them

* Why NLP based sensory language is so powerful, it moves people to take action

* How to use NLP to make your office the busiest in town

* The most common mistake most NLP/Hypnosis instructors make

* Why NLP is the number one tool for coaches

Please join us by calling with questions or comments!

Wil’s Log:

This past July has been a wild month, and what I would like to talk about in this issue is how emotions affect your thought processes and attitude. I was supposed to close on a house Tuesday July 5; OK Great. On Friday July 1 I talked to the mortgage broker who told me it was all set. I rented a moving truck, packed up over the weekend (and Holiday) and was ready to close when I was informed the broker had not completed my paper work. I had no loan.

As the situation grew more out of control, my attitude grew worse with it. I was getting negative, and it was starting to affect every aspect of my life. It stained my outlook. For the first couple of days I did what I tell my clients not to do, I shut down, and would not talk. Finally I called some friends, vented, and reframed the situation as a learning experience, and a challenge to myself:

Could I maintain a positive outlook, and an optimistic view in spite of the set backs? Could I finally accept the fact that first I was told we would get the house, then not get the house, even lose my deposit? I still have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. The things I have done, the places I have been, the people I have interacted with, and the skills I have been exposed to have been truly divine.

I went back to having a positive outlook and sense of humor. I physically trained hard and had some fun. I took a trip for some personal growth (more on that next month) and let go of the situation. I got a couple of emails that followed this train of thought. (They are enclosed) I used my skills to open communication with a new broker and finally closed last week. When my attitude changed, my energy did and it opened me up to allowing the situation to play out.

How have you used your skills in situations that could go either way? Do you allow your skills to shine through in the tough times? Do you remember that you may be the only NLPer/hypnotist the world sees, so how you handle a situation shows the world by actions, your belief about our skills.

From The Road:

With what I was talking about above, and to reinforce it, this comes from Beryl Comar of the UAE, and who say’s there is No Good Orderly Direction:

"I can control my attitude therefore I can control my life."

What is your life like? The answers to that question will be as varied as there are people but will depend on one common denominator. The emotional state of the person at the time.

Your life, your experience of life, your interpretation of life depends entirely on your emotional state at the time that you are answering the question. Your answer will change from day to day from moment to moment depending on how you interpret the events that form your life. You get good news. WOW life is great. You get bad news. Life stinks.

Your life is made up of a constant flow of events, a never ending procession of "nows" flowing ceaselessly out of the future into the past. Out of each moment you weave the tapestry of your life. All your memories, hopes and dreams, successes or failures, depend on what you do with each fleeting moment.

Your experience of life is based on your interpretation of each event. Your interpretation of each event depends entirely on the emotions that you attach to the event. How you feel about the situation determines your experience of, and your reaction to, the event.

You however have the ability to control your emotions, well they are yours aren't they. You cannot, and will not be able to control everything that happens to you. The only thing that is always in your control is your attitude and it is your attitude that determines your interpretation of, and your reaction or response to, every event.

All to often we live "outside in" rather than "inside out" and we allow situations and circumstances beyond our control to determine our attitude and therefore our reaction to those situations or circumstances.

Learn to question your attitude. How do I feel? Why do I feel this way? How would I prefer to feel? What needs to change? What is in my control? "I can control my attitude therefore I am in control of my life"

Learn to question your actions. "Why am I doing this? Why am I doing it this way? What are the likely consequences or results of my actions? Do I want these consequences or results? What do I want? Why do I want it? Who will be affected by the result? How will that affect me? What do I need to change in order to get what I want?

Realise that your attitude affects your actions and your actions always generate results and it is the results of your actions and how you feel about those results that determines the quality of your life.

If you do not question your attitude and your actions you will find that life will live you rather than you living life so build the belief that "I can control my attitude therefore I can control my life."

The BIG FIVE

The BIG FIVE has nothing to do with wild animals but everything to do with the things that drive you wild, your emotions. Everybody wants basically the same 5 things; to be happy, healthy and pro$perou$ and to have; good relationships and peace of mind. Learn how you can have it all.

HAPPY

There are three basic ingredients to happiness. The first is "Acceptance" The second is "Gratitude" the third is "Enthusiasm".

Every morning when you get up you make a choice as to how you are going to face the day. You can gripe and complain and moan about how terrible life is and how hard you have to work and how no one appreciates you, and, and, and.... Or you can get out of bed with the attitude that every day you have the opportunity to recreate yourself, to start working towards becoming the you, you want to be.

It is enthusiasm that puts the spring in your step, the sparkle in your eye and put the fun back into life.

ACTION STEPS

Do everything that you do today as well as you possibly can. Do everything as if it was important because everything is important. Every action is a building block of your memories and the foundation of your future.

HEALTHY

What is your attitude towards yourself and your lifestyle? Are you making excuses like; "It runs in the family" or "at my age what do you expect" "you only live once" Most of these beliefs are going to have a negative impact on you and you will use them to justify your state.

ACTION STEPS

Evaluate your feelings about health and fitness. Evaluate your feelings about yourself. Do feel comfortable with the state and shape of your health and body?

Change your thinking to "I love and respect myself and I deserve a slim healthy fit body therefore I will only do things that will add lasting value to my life" Become enthusiastic about how good it will feel when you can again feel proud of your body and your ability to maintain it.

PRO$PEROU$

What is your attitude towards your money? Do you respect it? How do you feel about your pay cheque? Do you celebrate it? No matter how much, or how little, you earn, realise that you provided a service in order to earn that money. Congratulate yourself on your ability to earn money. Be grateful that you have skills that are needed by others and that you have the ability to use those skills.

ACTION STEPS

Imagine for a moment what your life would be like if you did not have your pay cheque. What would you have to give up? What would the impact be on you and your family?What can you do to ensure that you continue to get this money?What can you do to earn more?

GOOD RELATIONSHIPS

Life is much like a mirror as it tends to reflect back to you what ever you are beaming out. All too often our attitude is "when you change then I will change" that attitude will lead to conflict and unhappiness. If you want better relationships with others then it is you who has to make the change.

ACTION STEPS

Make this your motto:

By controlling my attitude I will ensure that every person I meet today will be uplifted, inspired and happier for the meeting.

PEACE OF MIND

It has been said that by our thoughts we make heaven or hell and this is all too true. As much as we would like to blame external factors for our state of mind what we must have the emotional maturity to realise is that it is our interpretation of these external factors that determine our state of mind.The problem is, is that all too often we are wasting our energy on things that are of no real importance to us or that we cannot do anything about.

ACTION STEPS

Choose one thing that you are using to deny yourself peace of mind and evaluate it.

How do you feel about it? describe your emotion, angry, scared, sad etc.

What is actually happening? Describe the situation in terms of events and actions.

Why does that make you feel the way that you do?

What do you imagine will happen as a result of what is happening, or has happened?

What can you do to prevent it?

Develop the attitude that at the heart of every problem lies it's solution and that you are a solutioneer with the ability to seek and apply solutions.

See what I mean, things tie together.

Theory into Practice:

With what I am saying about emotions and how they influence you in other areas, here is an article of some recent research that will give more insight into what I was talking about. Rather than rewrite it, or give the highlights, here it is with the link for you to review:

http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/index.cfm?fa=viewArticle&id=1249

Looking to Make a Sale or Get Promoted? Emotions Will Help Determine the Outcome

High emotion contributes to great opera. It does not, however, serve us well when making judgments about others. This is the argument advanced in "Feeling and Believing: The Influence of Emotion on Trust," a new paper by Maurice E. Schweitzer, Wharton professor of operations and information management, and Jennifer Dunn, a PhD student in the department.

The two researchers conducted five experiments to determine the influence of emotional states -- happiness, gratitude, anger, and guilt -- on trust. Each experiment confirmed that incidental emotions (emotions from one situation that influence judgment in a following, unrelated situation) affect how willing we are to trust others. For example, our anger over a speeding ticket is likely to affect how we judge someone later in the day. The researchers conclude that despite feeling we are rational beings who make clear, lucid judgments, in reality we all walk around in a sea of emotions that are likely to influence how we act in both business and social contexts.

The article, recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, stems from Schweitzer's ongoing interest in negotiation, where trust plays a critical role. Previous research identified trust as a combination of two constructs: one's own propensity to trust and one's knowledge about the other person. "This research suggests that we make a cognitive decision and use reason to decide whether or not to trust someone," notes Schweitzer. "What our research says is that trust is much more labile than that." In other words, trust is a constructed judgment that is influenced by irrelevant information. "The extent to which I do or do not trust you is a function not only of how trusting a person I am and what I know about you, but also a function of irrelevant events that have influenced my emotional state. For example, if I hit a parked car, argued with my spouse, learned that I have to pay a large repair bill (or won an award, had a paper accepted, or saw my stock account grow) beforehand, I would trust you less (or more). The main idea in the paper is that emotions which are irrelevant to the judgment task nevertheless influence trust judgments in predictable ways," Schweitzer says.

He and Dunn demonstrated this through a series of experiments, each one designed to test a different aspect of the "emotions affect trust" theory. In one study, for example, he and his team approached people waiting for trains and asked if they would be willing to take part in a study. They were asked to name a co-worker and then -- after an "emotion induction" phase -- answer a series of questions about that person. In the "emotion induction" phase, participants recounted in writing an incident that made them angry, sad, or happy (depending on which emotion they were assigned). Participants wrote about events like the birth of a child (happiness), the untimely death of a loved one (sadness), or the destructive behavior of a neighbor (anger). After this exercise, participants rated their co-workers on such statements as: "If X promised to copy a presentation for me, s/he would follow through," and "X would never intentionally misrepresent my point of view to others." Results showed that happy participants were significantly more trusting than were sad participants, and sad participants were significantly more trusting than were angry participants. Throughout each of the five studies, the results were the same. "What surprised me most was the magnitude and consistency of the effects," says Schweitzer.

A "Simple Manipulation"

For managers, this study reveals much about human nature, he suggests. "We can easily channel people and direct them to a happy, sad or angry place ... in a relatively short period of time with a relatively simple manipulation." These manipulations can take the form of a short story (e.g., a news story), a short movie clip, or even a short discussion. For example, the best salespeople "don't call on a customer and start with a comment about the stock market dropping or a favorite sports team losing. Instead, they focus attention on something uplifting," like a team making the playoffs or an upcoming holiday.

"In negotiation, we have always known that non-task communication -- discussion that's not directly relevant to the negotiation process -- is important for closing a deal," says Schweitzer. "This research gives us some insight into why it's important and what kinds of things should go into that communication." Specifically, "non-task communication, like telling jokes/stories or talking about sports, can change people's emotional states and make them more (or less) trusting. My advice is to give serious thought to non-task communication. This includes preparing the types of stories you tell and the types of non-task questions you ask. It also includes learning more about a client, such as whether he/she is a huge Red Sox fan or cares a lot about wildlife refuges. Conversely, you should recognize that when a salesperson or someone else engages in a conversation like this, he or she may influence your emotional state and subsequently your 'trust judgment'. The reason you gave someone a large contract may have more to do with how funny the story he told you beforehand was than with his reputation for dependability."

So going in to ask for a promotion or new responsibilities on the job is probably a good time to recount a funny story or ask about your supervisor's golf game, Schweitzer says. The point is to recognize the role that emotions play. Outside events -- such as the rise/fall of IBM stock if your supervisor owns it, or whether his or her child got accepted into a prestigious college -- as well as non-task communication, like telling a funny story, are important for trust judgments.

That's not to say we should never acknowledge problems that occur outside of the work setting, Schweitzer adds. "You have to demonstrate sensitivity." If a colleague is going through a difficult time personally, you should acknowledge it, but not dwell on it. "Our research shows that you can shift people to think about happy things and make them -- literally -- happy."

What Schweitzer and Dunn don't know is how long these incidental emotions last. The research tested people's propensity to trust immediately after the emotion induction (putting people into a happy, sad, or angry mood). Schweitzer is now working on a series of tests to determine the durability of these emotions: Do they last for minutes, hours, days or weeks? The results should help fill out the picture of how emotions affect our judgments.

Being Aware of Your Emotions

A second key finding in the study is that if people are aware of their emotional state, then the emotional state does not generally bleed into their judgments of others. In one study, for example, participants were shown film clips to induce either happiness or anger. Participants in the "happy" group watched a Robin Williams comedy routine, while those in the "anger" group watched a clip from the film Witness, in which teenagers harass an Amish man. After watching the clips, half of those in the "happy" group saw a brief note on screen that read, "Prior research has shown that even short film clips like the ones you have seen can influence people's emotions." The other half saw a blank screen. This was duplicated in the "angry" group. Consistent with the other study, angry participants provided significantly lower trust ratings than happy participants among those who did not receive the warning message. Among those who viewed the warning message, trust levels were about the same.

Again, says Schweitzer, links to the business world are clear, in particular because the results speak directly to the issue of "emotional intelligence," a widely discussed concept in recent years. "Managers and employees alike need to realize that when making decisions, they are in a state that is driven partly by reason, but also partly by emotion," he notes. Taking into account the role of awareness, managers can keep an eye out for employees who are at risk for bringing unrelated emotions to critical decisions. For example, a manager in a law firm may need to pull another lawyer aside and say, "I know case X isn't going well, but case Y is different," or "I know you're going through a difficult divorce, but don't let that cloud your judgment when you go into your negotiations today." Says Schweitzer: "When people recognize the trigger, or source, of their emotions they are less likely to misattribute them. When I realize that I'm angry because of something my spouse did, I am less likely to use that anger in an unrelated judgment. When I am not aware of or thinking about why I am angry, I am more likely to misattribute it."

Unattributed emotions are a problem, he points out, particularly for people working in high-stress, fast-paced jobs, like judges and parole officers, who have to make quick judgments about people. Because they move from one incident to the next without the luxury of time to sit back and gauge their emotions, they are more likely to misattribute emotional states. Again, awareness and correct attribution of emotional states can help manage this process, he suggests.

Based on his work in the field, Schweitzer thinks people conceive of themselves as rational human beings driven by rational thought -- particularly Westerners -- but it's not true. "People undervalue the extent to which emotions influence their judgment," he says. Correctly attributing our emotional states can counter the effects of others who are trying to manipulate our feelings. "Good sales people tell jokes and funny stories; they bring little gifts. What they are trying to do is influence people's emotional states." Recognizing that this person is trying to make you feel good can help separate the good feelings from the decisions at hand. Are you feeling you can trust these new partners and sign on the dotted line because it's a solid deal or because you are ecstatic over your new baby? "This is what we need to be aware of," says Schweitzer.

The highly emotional people in the crowd shouldn't feel too bad, he adds, noting that our quick emotional reactions have served us well for the past 100,000 years. Our ancestors who happened upon a snarling, big-toothed animal were smart to listen to their emotions and run the other way. "Actually, it's only been fairly recently that we can or should override those emotional reactions," he says. In other words, going into battle mode may not be the best response to a large, scary-looking person coming toward you at work. Especially if it's your boss.