April 14, 2002
Something to think about from Dr. Wil Horton
New Behavior Generator with a Twist
Hope you like the new format!
Captain's Chair: First let me apologize for the delay with this month's issue. I have been on the road doing seminars and trainings, and as stated earlier, the difference between NFNLP and the other organizations is that, from the top down, all of our techniques are "battle tested." All of our trainers are also practitioners. We are not theorists. We roll up our sleeves and "do the work, with real people," so that we bring to the table real techniques that work or real people (not processes that work in a seminar, but not in the real world).
From The Road: When you're on the road, it can be a great time to practice your skills in a variety of settings. As I am doing public seminars, I like to focus on a technique or tool that we have and use it in real time situations. Recently I had the opportunity to do this in Cleveland. I was doing some stop smoking/weight loss seminars and this day I was focusing on mirroring and matching to get into deeper rapport with the group. I would really focus on the participants as they were signing up. At one such seminar, which was slow due to the weather (more on this later), I was talking to a lady who was signing up. She was rather withdrawn at the start. As I mirrored and matched, she became more and more open and shared more info. She was highly engaged and involved in the seminar. At the end she came up and shared some other reasons she came to this seminar. She had recently lost her mother to lung cancer, and all she could do was work, eat, sleep, and smoke. She had no cravings after the seminar and I did a Kineshetic Swish Pattern and some healing work with Timeline to help her "get back into life," which she had said was one of her goals.
At these same seminars I also got to do some State Management on myself. The crowds were rather inconsistent. So the problem becomes: one night you have a packed house, the next a light crowd, so how do you maintain "uptime" for small crowds? I chose to do the Zone exercise. I also try to picture that for every person in the room they will impact many times more. I also remember that the one person you help today, may save your life, or someone you love, in the future. So, since I may need you later, I will do my best now. I try to find fun in the seminar each night. True elite performers know the 100th show is a test of skill, not the first or second. Can you make it "fresh" every night?
Try these types of techniques in your daily activities and watch the change!
Pick a skill you want to sharpen, focus on it for one day in your normal activities.
Find new ways to enjoy your activities.
Help a person without them knowing it.
Imagine the person you are in an interaction with, will someday save the life of someone you love. (By the way, this will build an Attitude of Gratitude.)
Find something funny, or amusing in a situation.
If you are a seminar leader and want to expand your skills, think about attending NFNLP's Ultimate Trainers Training/Public Speaking course this November, 2002 in Florida.
Theory into Practice:
Those of us who practice rapport skills know that they work; and now, according to Linda Talley, author of Business Finesse, comes some food for thought. If you repeat back the last few words of the person to whom you are talking, "Ninety-nine percent of the time they will pick up on his/her own conversation and extend it. This is a giant step in appearing intelligent. You always want to be sincerely, sincerely interested in the other person. We all want to be listened to."Sounds like basic rapport skills to me. Maybe this is why NLPers seem intelligent. She also goes on to stress in conversation, "Don't try to impress them, try to build a bridge to them." (This is another reason not to use jargon.)
Here is another tip from this author: when talking to baby boomers use "bullets." They like shorter concise answers and statements. You will lose them with overly descriptive details. Generation X people however like stories with explanations and illustrations.
Also, to appear more knowledgeable, choosing words wisely and delivering them carefully, we appear brighter. Joe Vitale, marketing expert and author of several great books, tells us that to increase how people perceive you, boost your communication IQ. He states "We are judged all the time by how we look, what we say, as well as what we don't say." Using words such as irrelevant, extricate and juxtaposition may impress, but using to many big words (or jargon) may make people seem arrogant," he warns. Mr. Vitale also wrote a great review of our new book, "Selling Yourself to Others, The New Psychology of Sales," that I co-authored with Kevin Hogan.
One last item here; according to Janna Beaty an image consultant in Texas, "If you make a wrong impression, it takes 14 positive exposures to eliminate a negative exposure." Use our skills and create win/win situations!
Techniques and tips:
New Behavior Generator with a twist:Pick a person from history and use them for this technique. Really imagine connecting with this great person from history.
NEW BEHAVIOR GENERATOR