Let go and become a more loving parent

By Vickie Winger

Step #1. Make a chart of your unfulfilled childhood emotional needs and the equivalent characteristics your parents needed in order to fulfill them fittingly.

  • On a piece of paper or whiteboard draw a line down the middle.
  • On the left side list the emotional needs that were not fulfilled for you as a child.
  • On the right side list the characteristics needed in order to fulfill those needs.
Step #2. Choose a childhood memory that troubles you from time to time.

Step #3. Explore the submodalities you observe in the memory.

Step #4. Use a frame as a symbol of the memory and modify.
  • Choose a single frame from your mental movie of the memory and use it as a symbol for the entire memory. Push that frame back to the farthest edge of your awareness and transform it to black and white.
  • Notice that there is a younger you in the image. Shrink it down to a small size and enclose it with a frame.
Step #5. Bring the image to your left, and extract the learning.
  • Reach out and take hold of the small image with your left hand and bring it to your left side.
  • Remove all the learnings presented from this memory as represented by the small image. You may not know what these learnings consist of, but that is all right for this pattern. Just know that you are taking knowledge from this image. Imagine this wisdom flowing into your personal mental library.
Step #6. Put the image behind you.
  • Now push the image back behind you, symbolically telling your body and mind that the experience is behind you, that is, in the past.
Step #7. Have this process generalize.
  • Instruct your mind to do this with all aspects of the troubling memory.
Step #8. Take pleasure in happy memories and put them behind you.
  • Spend some time with happy memories in gigantic, bright, full color. Put them to the right. Take pleasure in them, and then push them back behind you as well.
Step #9. Build an ideal parent model and improve it with any other ideas.
  • Use these characteristics to construct a mental model of ideal parents.
  • Use all representational systems to experience these parents.
  • Add anything else that you know about good parents or what you were missing.
  • As you think of these ideal parents, any number of ideas may come to you.
Step #10. Visualize these parents expressing their parenting gifts.
  • Visualize these parents in action, handling circumstances that some parents would find difficult.
  • See them being very successful and practical.
Step #11. Timeline back to the day you were born. Transfer your powerful good parenting resources into your parents.
  • Access your timeline and float back to the day you were born.
  • Observe that experience as your adult self, bringing with you all the resources you have developed, including your ever-increasing understanding of good parenting.
  • Allow the energy and magic of all the resources you have brought back to instill your parents with perfect parenting abilities.
  • See this entire resource energy flood into this time from your future, twirling as it abruptly stops at this moment, drawn to your parents for their power.
  • Even if you are not now connected with your parents, even if one or both of them were not present, create parents or caretakers for this scene.
Step #12. Watch your life move forward with magically perfect parents who fulfill your needs appropriately.
  • Watch your life unfold forward into your timeline, but with these magically perfect parents. Observe how they fulfill your needs as an expression of their magical, yet human gifts.
Step #13. Re-calibrate your prior negative experiences.
  • Pay special attention to experiences that had been negative and see how resourcefully your parents now manage the situation. Let the positive outcomes build your positive abilities and personality characteristics as you develop through them.
Step #14. Follow your timeline into your present, in the state of receiving unconditional love.
  • Trigger your state of experiencing your parent’s new unconditional love and tell your subconscious mind that these experiences can generalize, bringing you forward more and more quickly, to your present time.
Step #15. Integrate and future pace.
  • Continue to hold the anchor to your state of receiving unconditional love. Allow yourself to integrate these experiences and sensations, as your momentum carries you into future experiences.
  • These future experiences show you how your expanded development will allow you to express wonderful parental resources for enhanced and improved outcomes.
Step #16. Test.

In the coming days or weeks, become aware of any ways that your parenting or care taking behavior improves.

 

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