Presenting the Problem

The client entered therapy because of “the intense struggles” she was having as a result of finalizing her impending divorce. She and her son had been separated from her husband for three months. During the session she mentioned that she thought she was “ugly”. Although, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, she is not ugly by anyone’s definition except her own.

Intervention

NLPer: When did you first discover you were “ugly”?
Client: When I was a child. The women in my family are very beautiful. I have a younger sister that was surrounded by men. In fact, many guys would use me just to get close to my sister. If I introduced a guy to my sister he would dump me just to try to get a date with her. After they met her, I would never see them again.
NLPer: Was there ever a time when you were surrounded by men.
Client: Yes, when I was working as a hostess.
NLPer: Tell me about it.
Client: I was working as a hostess at this very exclusive restaurant. I had moved up from waitress to hostess in only two months. My boss loved me and he said that I was the best hostess that he had ever had working for him. My position required me to dress nicely to greet and seat the guests. Sometimes the waitresses would get jealous of me because of the attention I would get from men. I had just had a religious experience and I was not interested in dating back then so I just ignored their remarks.
NLPer: You know most restaurants put there “ugliest” woman as the hostess especially if they desire to maintain a certain high standard.
Client: He was probably feeling sorry for me.
NLPer: Close your eyes and look back and tell me if that was the case.
Client: No it was not.
NLPer: Now you told me you were “ugly” and were you saying that you were placed in that position because they were having pity on you.
Client: No.
NLPer: Did the manager just desire to have some homely lifeless female to greet and seat his customers that created his income?
Client: Maybe he just liked me.
NLPer: Now you are a little over 40 years old and I am sure you have had enough experiences with men to answer this question. Are men attracted to beautiful or ugly women? When any man gives an “undue” amount of attention to a woman is she ugly or beautiful?
Client: (in a flat tone) The more attractive you are the more attention you get.
NLPer: How much attention did you receive from men back then?
Client: I got so much attention that I eventually had to quit because I could not handle the constant backbiting and cuttingly cruel remarks from the waitresses.
NLPer: Women always attack “ugly” women don’t they?
Client: Well I had this religious experience and I was just not interested in men.
NLPer: Did the men back then find you attractive or unattractive; did they give you attention or ignore you?
Client: When I look back, they gave me plenty of attention (client says begrudgingly). NLPer: Look back and tell me who was rejecting whom?
Client: I was because I had chosen not to date.
NLPer: Did they desire you because you were pretty or ugly?
Client: They must have felt sorry for me.
NLPer: There were a lot of women to feel sorry for at that place. What about the waitresses?
Client: Alright, the men were attracted to me because of my looks.

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