NLP Approaches to Aggression
By Joe Donahue
A word of caution in handling aggression. Attending a training session gives you information, it does not prepare you for what you have not skilled yourself for. Skills come with practice and powerful belief. It is one thing to "handle" aggression while it is happening and another matter to encounter in therapy for aggression. In the former, even if you are a helper the danger is real and near. Almost instant decisions have to be made to stop the violence. If therapeutic, de-escalation techniques are appropriate ... then use them otherwise stay out of the way of other professionals who have to use force and are trained to do so. In therapy the client has agreed to attend after the fact of egression, but.... the therapist must still have the third eye available to the unconscious, for self-protection. In the former, the presupposition is that you (the participant) are innocent (de-escalation). In the later the presupposition is that you will modify the behavior (behavior change).
I have learned through trial and error, plus training and watching martial arts and Olympic wrestling that much force can be dissipated by measures that control the direction of the force rather than counter it. Modulating my own emotional state is paramount. I tell other faculty members that if you don't feel comfortable or competent to handle aggression do not oppose it and do not intervene unless you must. Opposing aggression without a containment and or deflection model is dangerous for the intervenor and the aggressor. Legally the intervenor can be held responsible for injury to the aggressor! If you suspect you might encounter aggressive acts, get training or find someone who can give you assistance nearby who knows what they are doing.
Some techniques and preparations.
Have an area within your geographical location that can serve as a "neutral" holding area for the combatants. Keep them separated and allow no member of a group to verbally interact with the "other" combatant or their friends. Keep the combatants separate. Do not let observers of the incident make accusations, regardless of accuracy at any participant until asked to do so. Any school/court person will tell you that this only leads to new escalation. Do NOT offer mediation, as some errant counselors will do until some time passes. When involved, I have found that getting close to a participant and embracing them slightly in an off to the side position with respect to their face (they will be focused on the other combatant). I then say in a very low voice ... leaving empty spaces between these covert commands, "I am not trying to hurt you . . . please do not hurt me." When separated and beginning to move away from the "incident" I inquire, "Are you OK? Do you need a drink of water? I have to escort you to my office because my boss requires me to and if I don't do it . . . (This is my "Higher Power" statement that establishes that we both have to follow the rules and I am not in opposition to him/her.)
"The tree that bends in the wind survives the storm. The tree that stands firm and opposes the storm lays broken after." Unknown